|Even Girls Know Crawl is Fastest|
This news story underlines for me the sheer pointlessness of the breast stroke. If the idea is to get across a stretch of water very fast, then swimming underwater for as far as possible, followed by the ‘crawl’ (here demonstrated by ancient Greek woman on lower level of vase painting), is the only way to do it. The breast stroke is like asking sprinters to run with their wrists tied together, or jumping in a sack, or carrying an egg and spoon, which every primary school child knows can be won by the judicious insertion of a piece of chewing gum between concave surface of the spoon and the egg.
|Pelops wins first Olympic Chariot Race by Cheating|
|Nero, World-Class Sports Cheat|
And now the Olympics fever in Britain is about to cause a whole new epidemic of cheating. Boris Johnson has decreed that all school pupils should be forced into at least two hours of exercise, as he did on the playing fields of Eton, every day. The (Etonian) Prime Minister agrees, insisting that it must consist of ‘traditional’ competitive sports such as football and hockey, and that ‘Indian dancing’ does not count. (I could not believe my eyes when I read this--has he any idea how physically demanding every single one of the eight schools of classical Indian dance actually is?)
|Etonians Plot Torture of Geeky Children|
Sport really is like religion: people who want to do it should go ahead, but be prevented from insisting that everyone else participates. I foresee a whole new meaning becoming attached to the term ‘Sick Note’ in the jargon of the British young. It is not cheating in sport that will be the issue, but cheating in order to get out of it.